What’s the deal with handless scooters on campus?

You know, the self-balancing, two-wheeled, motorized crafts that are rapidly changing our commute through campus. It is not an effective form of transportation and equally as ridiculous as Segway PT’s.

Yep, that’s right; you aren’t cooler than everyone because you dropped 300 plus dollars on a handless Segway. Bikes and longboards must just be too mainstream for you.

Is laziness to a point where perfectly capable people can’t just walk between classes?

When campus is crowded, you can’t even ride those things, and walking around with them slung over your shoulder isn’t badass — you just look like a 12 year old with a Razor scooter. OK, we all wanted to be that person, but that was 10 years ago.

I will admit I have never been on such a scooter; however, I can imagine the reward is nowhere near the risk, and a quick fail search on YouTube supports my claim.

Watching you cruise through campus on your hoverboard, it is clear that the balancing act necessary to operate your vehicle does not justify abandoning the strenuous undertaking that is walking.

When you’re rolling over the rough edges of campus, please remember that all eyes are on you — which I’m sure was the initial intention — and every one of those eyes is hoping for an epic spinout that concludes with you getting a face full of concrete.

I contemplate letting my inner “Big Daddy” out every time I get stuck behind one of you. If only large tree branches were more readily available.

There also seems to be a contingent of athletes on campus who’ve become hooked on the hover revolution. Why would you risk a scholarship just to ride a little scooter around? On another note, being an athlete is like a full time job without getting paid, and those scooters are pretty costly.

Finally, if you do find the need to scoot around campus,  please put your phone away. It is tough enough to motorize through the mall when it is crowded, but bringing your phone into the equation is just a safety hazard.

Plus, it slows you down and creates an even more chaotic traffic jam.

I mean, c’mon, what’s the deal?