Too much stretch shouldn’t stress

By Cori Olson, Contributing Writer

People, there is a war among us. I’m not talking about civil war or a card game or a war between families. I’m talking about a war that hits us all right between the legs.

Leggings are more than just fabric and bright colors with patterns and form fitting threads. They’re a mark of who you are in society: a wh***, a tramp, a tasteless dresser, lazy and easy. At least, that’s what many people today would like you to think.

Tell me, if you have ever worn leggings, have you ever gone back to jeans and been happy about it? Probably not.

Too often you see posts online about yoga pants being the greatest gift to man from God. If leggings are trashy and ill-fitting, then why aren’t yoga pants getting the same rap for being just as tight?

And jeans, can we watch a commercial about Levi’s jeans without a plump, tight a** lushing up the screen? To me it sounds like all pants are pretty trashy looking. Why don’t we just take them all off? Wouldn’t that solve the problem of how we look in all of our clothing?

Allyson Rowe, an online personality famous for her Godly Insight and involvement in the Miss America pageants, made a post about an article talking about a woman who won’t wear leggings because they cause men to “stumble and have lustful thoughts.” Women are shaming other women for wearing clothes they would not wear themselves.

Although Rowe did a mighty fine job of giving advice to her audience about how she felt about the topic, I feel that the real issue wasn’t that women are wearing tighter clothing, but that they truly believe it’s their fault for getting negative sexual attention for what they chose to wear that day.

My reply to that is: Why should it matter what a woman wears? Do strippers, bikini models and nudists not believe in Him, too? I love a classy lady, but to say it’s only wrong for her to wear leggings because a man will “stumble and fall” then that’s not a good enough excuse to avoid wearing them. Rowe delivers a good message about dressing respectable for yourself and not seeking attention from such crude men, but only up until that point.

Everybody should be allowed to wear what they are comfortable in. Just because a man is being a pig doesn’t mean women should hide what they were born with. Body shaming is the real problem here.

Maybe I’m getting a little deep into this. Maybe to call a cat-calling-man a pig is wrong, both scientifically and morally. Because how could a pig possibly know how to call like a cat? I don’t know. Men have many talents.

Maybe it’s not a big deal how people look at us when we wear extremely comfortable clothing that keeps us warmer in the winter than blue-dyed cotton weave does. Maybe it’s not a big deal when we get called vulgar names and receive inappropriate shouts from across the street because we chose not to wear sweats or uncomfortable jeans in public. Maybe it’s our fault and not a big deal when we get negative attention because today the outfit we wore made somebody else cross an uncomfortably inappropriate or rude line. No, it’s a big freaking deal.

Mind sets like these lead to worse things than insults, like rape stories with a million sides to the argument — one being, “She deserved it because of what she was wearing.” When I heard this topic on Rowe’s page, this is the immediate thought that came to my mind. No woman should have to fear being raped or ridiculed because of what she is wearing, no matter how tight, flashy, short or debatably tasteless it might be.

This topic began with a woman that swore off leggings because of what it does to men. That woman sounds pretty damn confident in herself. I wish I could make men stumble by just looking at my booty in leggings. I would wield that like a superpower. They would collapse around me like buildings in a hurricane and I would walk all over them like the rubble they depicted.

For some reason, though, this woman seems highly offended by what a man “might” do to her if he sees her wearing leggings.

Women are enemies to their own sex. It’s the women that go around calling other girls whores for their cheetah printed stretchy-pants. It’s like when they see anything with the letters P I N K on the top it’s an automatic red-flag for every woman within a 20-mile radius to thoroughly and honestly agree that legging-wearing-bi*** is a fashion-senseless human being.

Cheetah pants probably just got back from a really busy day of saving puppies from an abandoned paper mill in the Bronx, but you think she’s horrible because you know the relative form of her ass if she were naked. And you know what? It’s probably because you wish you had the kind of modal-soft freedom she has.

When I wear leggings I literally become a new woman. My fashion sense boosts by nearly 152 percent, I do my makeup, I curl my hair and I even put on deodorant. I could push my boobs out and make my hair touch the tree tops and I still wouldn’t be asking for it.

Next time there’s a negative thought running through your mind about somebody else’s leggings, or any fashion choice for that matter, just go to your nearest Marshal’s or T.J. Maxx and buy yourself the brightest, softest, cheapest pair and just put them on. Everything in your life from the waist down will change. If you don’t prefer to wear them (meaning you might be a man or woman who doesn’t want that kind of fashion commitment) just stare at a pair for a good long time and tell it, “You do not define a woman’s morals.” People will be watching, so embrace it like a bad haircut you can’t get fixed until your next paycheck.

I wear leggings because I like being comfortable in my busy daily life. I shouldn’t be in a war over what I wear. There are worse things a person can do than wear whatever they want to.