Control freak. Stalker. Intimidating. Demeaned. Debased. Abused.

These are actually how the protagonist in “Fifty Shade of Grey,” Anastasia Steele, described the romantic interest Christian Grey and how he his actions make her feel. To me, this reads like a pamphlet about abusive relationships. A young woman about to graduate from college, Ana is targeted by the rich and intimidating Christian Grey seeking her to become his sexual submissive. Once she gets to know him better, however, he tries to assert his control over her outside of their sexual relationship. Real life women who are in the same situation often end up on the run for years, in a women’s shelter or dead.

“Fifty Shades of Grey” is portrayed by the media as an erotic novel about a BDSM relationship. BDSM is a sexual relationship that incorporates bondage and discipline; domination and submission; and sadism and masochism. While there are components to the typical BDSM relationship that some might argue is the submissive asking for abuse, there are preventative measures, such as safe words, that are supposed to be in place to prevent non-consensual violence.

In “Fifty Shades of Grey,” Ana becomes very distraught after the BDSM encounters in the red room of pain. In a typical BDSM relationship, the dominant will take care of the submissive after the fact by showing them affection, to try and combat any psychological damage that might take place. Christian outwardly refused to show Ana any affection after their encounters, leaving her feeling humiliated in many circumstances.

Outside their sexual relationship, many fans of the book argue that Christian truly loves Ana, and the way he is during sex with her is just his fantasy. They believe that this makes up for the way he treats her. The idea that his love for her means he is sorry for how he’s abused her is classic manipulative behavior shown by the abusers in abusive relationships to try and justify their actions.

According to the Red Flag Campaign, a national movement that seeks to educate about and prevent abusive relationships and domestic violence, there are several red flags that show signs of an abusive and violent relationship. One of the big ones is that the abuser will try and control their partner, telling them where they can go and who they can see. This happens in Fifty Shades more than once.Christian gives a contract to Ana that he continuously tries to manipulate her into signing. One red flag is that the contract makes it so she cannot leave the relationship unless he gives her permission.While contracts are not unheard of in the BDSM community, when they have guidelines about their partner’s life outside of the sexual relationship, that’s when it becomes an issue. When Ana refuses to sign, Christian gets upset with her and tries to manipulate her into feeling bad about letting him down.

The media is trying to portray “Fifty Shades of Grey” as an unconventionally erotic and romantic film, when it is actually the story of a naive young woman who lacks self-confidence becoming the target of a powerful and intimidating older man who puts her under a contract to serve as his sexual servant. It not only glamorizes violence against women, but says that this type of violence and dehumanization is okay and should be embraced.

Instead of supporting this message, I urge everyone to not spend their money on seeing this film. There are better ways to spend your money that don’t promote fetishized abuse. Instead of seeing “Fifty Shades of Grey” in theaters, even out of curiosity, use that money to help others by donating to a woman’s shelter or crisis center.